Burnout is a real risk when demands exceed available resources for an extended period of time. I have compiled a list of signs that you are in clear and present danger of burning out.
1. You have forehead abrasions that resemble the upholstery of your cubicle walls.
2. You head bang more than a fan at a metal concert.
3. You are the reason Casual Friday was re-branded “Jeans Day,” as a subtle reminder to wear pants.
4. You have taken a survey about taking a survey and died a little inside.
5. You have wrapped yourself in red tape as a Halloween costume. 3 years in a row.
6. You have wondered if the odor generated by the decomposition of your motivation and sense of purpose violates the scent free policy.
7. You relate strongly to Madagascar’s Penguins and their life goal of escaping from the zoo.
8. You’ve repurposed the warning label from a Pillsbury crescent roll tube as an explanatory note to your behaviour in meetings. (Warning: contents under pressure).
9. You have sent emails that could be considered incendiary devices.
10. You’ve made obscene hand gestures at a telephone while on a conference call. Then realized it was a video conference.
11. You have been reprimanded for inappropriately placing “Sign Here” stickies.
12. You share your child’s desire to run away and join the circus.
13. You are no longer allowed to send out meeting requests after the one for the last staff meeting was entitled “Negotiations with Terrorists.”
14. You have measured yourself for a Wal-mart greeter vest “just in case” and note you look super awesome in blue.
15. You have a file on your desk labelled ‘Things nobody mentioned on career day” and could seriously injure someone with it based on its current dimensions.
Any similarities to my actual life are “purely coincidental.” This piece was compiled by an overactive imagination and does not necessarily represent the seemingly inevitable consequences of over ten years in a cubicle with no door.
This piece originally ran on BLUNTmoms, having been edited with love by the amazing Magnolia Ripkin.