I belong to some groups of bloggers online. Through those groups I met a soul sister in writing Jenny Kanevsky who tagged me in a post that has been going around our little collective. Some of us don’t get paid so I don’t think we are actually a guild and I don’t think we qualify as a coven either (we are pretty darn magical though). Anyways, I’m playing along. Plus there are some new faces around these days so it’s probably best if I contextualize for you what kind of weirdo you are following.
1. I ALWAYS dry my hands after testing the bathwater. Even if it’s my own bath. I don’t know why, I mean, I’m going to get wet all over in a minute anyways. It’s the weirdest thing.
2. I have weird phobias. I have a paralyzing phobia of bridges and tunnels. I don’t know what the heck I’m afraid of exactly, and I never had this problem 7 years ago. Is there a bridge crossing involved in your social engagement? Yes? Sorry. Washing my hair. On our last road trip I had to drive through tunnels and my boyfriend and the little monster sang me the “Soft Kitty Prayer” to keep me calm. It mostly solidified that together they are very funny jerks. I’m a bit embarrassed my child thinks that’s a legitimate hymn. I’m also creeped out by plastic picnic ware. When I was in the hospital they didn’t give us real cutlery and it gives me the heebie jeebies.
3. I am the absolute worst person to share a bed with. I have a cartoon-like ability to occupy 90% of any bed size. My teeny tiny body stretches like Gumby, usurping the territory of anyone unlucky enough to be in my path of sheet space conquest. I grind my teeth and babble in my sleep. I’m a freaking delight.
4. I binge cook. I come from a long line of women who like boxed fished sticks and chicken strips. I’m the weird black sheep that makes mass quantities of bacon and egg breakfast cups, mini pancakes, turkey meatballs, baked chicken breasts, lasagna roll ups, spinach salads and stores them in Tupperware, freezing half and keeping half in the fridge. My Tupperware is mostly illegitimate, it’s really Gladware and recycled yogurt tubs.
5. I could be James Bond’s bartender’s stunt double. I rock at the shaken vs the stirred. I have a condition called Essential Tremor which means my hands shake. When I’m really stressed my legs shake too. WebMD says it could one day go into my head and neck. Woo fricking hoo. It’s in my voice according to the unfriendly neurologist who asked me how I planned to address my “obesity” six weeks postpartum (there’s a special place for that man). I said “breastfeed” and pointed to my baby. Ugh. Anyways, some days I can’t dial the phone, do up buttons, or drink soup without spilling over all my fine self. Latte foam is a perennial addition to almost every outfit. Do not trust me with the drinks tray at the food court. The good news is that it’s “benign but annoying” (filed under stuff my kindergarten teacher and my neurologist agree on about me). I can’t take anything for it because beta blockers lower my blood pressure too much and anti-epileptics slow my cognitive function and I’m trying to remain witty and insightful and keep my doing math all day day-job.
So there you have it, 5 random things about me. Don’t say you haven’t been warned!
I am tagging to participate:
and the fabulous Leslie Kendall Dye of Hungry Little Animal