So the first two years of my business were really, really tough. It was like watching curling, a lot of yelling “HURRY HARD!” and suspecting someone might slip and fall on their ass. There was a lot of hurrying and stepping on slippery, unfamiliar surfaces and also falling on my ass. But there was a lot of cheering too. Okay. That covers everything I know about curling, so I’m going to need another metaphor.
But seriously. It was freaking hard. And it still is a lot of days. But a lot has changed. When I first started, I knew I had a ton of pain and didn’t feel well but I didn’t know why. I knew I needed to slow down, but I didn’t know WHY. Then I learned why but was unconvinced that it was really necessary. And then my body started insisting IT REALLY WAS. And the constant hustle was hard on my relationships, on my parenting, on my love life, on my social life (HA! Social life. What’s that?) and yeah, all work and no play makes Allie a cranky, tired, sore lady.
After the universe repeatedly smacking me about the head with reality, I have come to accept that I do, in fact, need to slow down and I’m working on implementing that this week. I’m working 9am-2pm PST not 9 am-2am PST and I’m going to bed early and I’ve got a plan for meal times and I’m cleaning up the house in my newly acquired spare time so home is more “homey.” I’m taking baby steps to curate the projects that bring me joy and step back from things that don’t fit or flow. I’m all about flow right now. Excuse me while I slip into something a little more sustainable, scheduling wise 🙂 It’s like I’ve been treading water for ages and now it’s time to float.
It’s scary though. It’s hard to have confidence that you won’t drown if you stop struggling all the time and just relax. It’s scary AF to change, even when it’s necessary. And I have such a hard time with boundaries. I don’t like declining things if I technically could, because I don’t want to. I guess I never felt like that was a good enough reason to not do something that someone else wanted. That seems crazy to me, now, but only in small moments and fragments of time where I remember that when you say yes to something, you say no to something else, and it’s me I’ve said no to a lot and it’s okay to say no to other people sometimes. I forget that I did this to build the life I want and that means choosing what’s right for me and not apologizing for it. The reality is that I did a whole bunch of things to try everything and see what brings me joy and how I work best and doing something with that information is the next step.
So that’s what’s up with me. Hustle is something I’m grateful for, it helped me build the life I have now, the life I wanted. Now I’m in a phase where I really want to ENJOY it and that’s at the top of my to do list. I think I need a hobby also, so if you have any ideas about what that could look like I would LOVE to hear it because I have no idea. Eventually I’m going to get caught up on laundry and Netflix and I’m going to need something to do. Until then, I’m going to carve out more time for updates like this one. Are you excited? I’m excited.