The world was not made for us short people. If you are pocket-sized like me, you know this to be true.
This is a dramatic reenactment of me trying to reach anything ever.
That’s me trying to put something in an overhead bin, reach something on top of the fridge or give my six foot tall boyfriend a kiss. The struggle is so real. I go through life on tippy toes with one hand in my pocket and the other one dragging around a step-ladder (apologies to Alanis for massacring her iconic lyrics).
Now that I’m a mom, I spend most of my time solving everyone else’s problems and my short girl problems are the last on the list – like pants, for example. Pants are a problem. Shopping for pants is a problem. Finding pants that fit are a problem. If I find pants that flatter my curves I know without a doubt that they will be precisely 18 miles too long and I will be awkwardly rolling them up to avoid tripping on them.
You know those people who can expertly roll their pants up and it looks classy? I am not one of them – at all, at all. I look like I’ve got emergency rolls of toilet paper stashed under my jeans just around my ankles, best case scenario. Worst case scenario, I look like I have cankles (and I don’t.) They are asymmetrically bunchy and voluminous. Mascara and eyelashes should be voluminous. Pant cuffs should not.
Ultimately, my pants end up dragging on the floor, wearing out weirdly, creating holes and ending up looking “distressed.” That is not a good look for me at all. I know at 33 that there are looks Kate Moss can pull off and looks that I can pull off and the overlap between does not contain “distressed jeans.” It’s like infinity scarfs maybe or that disinterested expression she makes with her face on the catwalk that I also make when my kid is discussing Minecraft. But we were talking about pants that are too long and the question I keep asking.
WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?
I don’t take the time to solve my short girl problems. Field trip forms. Daycare forms. Just one more kiss/hug, homework, some kid’s birthday party to shop for, my kid’s birthday party to plan, any number of mom-related things have my attention. Keeping kids fed and happy is hard work but somebody has to do it. It’s a rule or something. Plus there’s the job thing and the relationship thing and all the administrative tasks related to staying alive (eating, bathing, sleeping, hand washing.) There’s never enough time and always too much pant leg left for me. It’s one thing to try to avoid getting in your own way but it’s another thing to avoid literally tripping over yourself.
I’m not the kind of girl who can just buy stuff off the rack and it’s going to be ok. I need a little help to make things fit just right. I am a one of a kind. And frankly, with all that I do to keep everything going for everyone in my life, I DESERVE PANTS THAT FIT.
You do too.
Repeat after me:
I, (insert your name here), work hard for myself and my family. I, (insert your name here), deserve clothes that are fitted correctly to my body. This is not selfish, this is self-care.
Pants that don’t drag are not a luxury item. Sleeves that are too long will only get snotted on by someone who is small and should know better but ultimately does it anyways because it’s more convenient and mommy doesn’t mind, right? Mommy minds. Mommy DEFINITELY minds.
Mommies (and daddies too) deserve to look and feel their best. I went on a giant shopping trip and ended up with some beautiful pants that were too long for my little legs. I did not put myself last this time. I put my short girl problems first and I dealt with it quickly and easily without having to make a phone call. This is handy because I hate talking on the phone and I always default to an option that allows me to book or order online without using my phone as an actual phone on days I am too awkward to function.
Here’s how I did it:
2. The system sent me an email reminder so I wouldn’t forget.
3. I went in and was expertly measured for optimal pant length that would be both fashionable and reduce my risk of tripping over my own two feet by 100000% percent. I was regaled by Mohamud’s delightful sense of humour and learned a whole bunch about fabrics and how to take care of my clothes like a grownup. I could tell he knows what he’s talking about.
4. I came back another day and picked them up and again experienced first class customer service. I felt like a rockstar like maybe I might be asked for an autograph or something. So, so special.
5. I got on with my life with the confidence that if I’m gonna bail walking around my house, it’s going to be on lego and not the bottoms of my pants. That’s a good feeling, friends.
The moral of this story is: stop putting yourself last. Take care of yourself and your pant legs. Take yourself and your pant legs to Busy Bee Gold and come home with pants that fit. Pants that fit are not luxury items. You deserve it! So go treat yo self!
Disclosure: The nice folks at Busy Bee Gold altered my pants for me and all they got was this blog post. That being said, I would never send you to anyone I didn’t trust implicitly. You can follow them on Facebook and Twitter which is pretty cool for a certified master dry-cleaner/tailor/expert at wedding dress preservation. Bonus points: ask what the difference is between a certified master dry-cleaner and a dude who is really good at pushing buttons. The answer will surprise you! (Hint: there is a big difference and you want the first guy to handle your clothes, not the button pushing dude.)