Some things are better dry, like cappuccinos, or British humour. Other things are better wet, like contact lenses and slip and slides. Some things are better secret, like how many times it took me to parallel park or how long it’s been since I coloured my hair. Some things are better being out in the open, like the fact that I am a mommy blogger and if you piss me off I might write about you. Ultimately, what I think is best of all is getting to pick what you tell people and getting to be you without any shame.
I do a lot of writing about things with a view to de-stigmatize them. I’m always pushing the envelope. I’ve written about:
- Living under the weight of ginormous boobs (suffocation, back pain and sore shoulders, oh my!)
- Pole dancing (also for fitness!)
- Eating disorders (no, we don’t secretly think you’re fat.)
- Parenting after separation (no, we don’t hate each other.)
- Incontinence (not mine, does that still count?)
With a view to that, my friends at Vagisil asked me to write about uncomfiness in your down-underness. I told my boyfriend I was going to try to write about vaginal dryness and have it not be awkward and he was a little taken aback because I can’t even order a coffee without it being awkward.
Scene: Me, ordering a coffee
Barista: “Enjoy your coffee!”
Me: “You too!” (Um, wait. I’m the only one with a coffee. She will probably drink a coffee EVENTUALLY right? Should I take it back? Would that make it weirder? Probably. Darn.)
Anyways, back to vaginal dryness and not being awkward. As a parent, I sometimes try to have awkward conversations by using metaphors to try to make it less awkward. This is going to be like The Monster at the End of This Book, but for vaginas.
Sometimes, in the summer, your slip and slide gets dry. That’s totally normal and it happens to everyone. DON’T PANIC. All you have to do is add water. Sometimes that water comes from a garden hose that hangs on the side of your house.
If your slip and slide is of the metaphorical variety, the fluid that can help make everything more comfortable (and is less cumbersome and more likely to fit in your purse than a garden hose) can come from Vagisil® ProHydrate Natural Feel. It relieves vaginal dryness, but without added estrogen (FEELINGS AND HEADACHES), perfumes (ah-choo!), dyes (I am not a doctor but that’s not supposed to be that colour!), preservatives (I’m a mommy, not a mummy) and it delivers natural feeling moisture (not fake, like a prominent world leader’s hair.)
There’s usually only one or two reasons why your actual slip and slide might be dry.
- You turned the hose off
- The water conservation people turned the hose off because it’s not your day to water the lawn
Your metaphorical slip and slide might be dry for a few more reasons (again, totally normal):
– Certain medications (like antihistamines and birth control pills)
– Post-natal hormone shifts
– IVF treatments
The solution for the latter is easy (Vagisil® ProHydrate Natural Feel) like turning on the garden hose. It’s a single-use pre-filled applicator that’s not hard to insert (it’s not lawn darts, people!) and discreet (only you need to know you’re using it, you don’t have to alert the whole neighbourhood, it’s part of the vaginal wetness witness protection program.) You can use it any time and it makes having fun so much more comfortable (WHEEEEE!). Ain’t nobody got time for something complicated. You want something that’s fast, like turning on the faucet and also something that’s long lasting. If you need to, you can use it every three days (check your actual lawn watering schedule in your own jurisdiction so the conservation people don’t turn off your actual slip and slide hose.)
* phew *
So anyways, how’s that for not awkward? Bottom line: slip and slides should be fun or at least not uncomfortable. Having one that is dry isn’t a big deal because you just need to add moisture and it’s nobody’s business but yours how you do that. I’ve included a handy photo series to help you feel more comfortable and so you can find it in the store (unlike the time I tried to buy cilantro and had to consult Google. Now THAT was awkward, this is not.)
This post is brought to you by Vagisil but the opinions are my own.